#The Illusion of Why

Just stop asking why, there is no why

You could say I’m an engineer at heart, I’m always curious to learn how things work. This passion of mine has inevitably lead me to constantly be asking questions about the world. I’m always trying to understand not just the what’s and how’s, but ultimately the why’s. And after having asked why, a seemingly endless number of times, I’ve come to completely agree with Yoda: “There is no why”

You might be thinking “what the hell do you mean there is no why?!”

Well, let’s start from the beginning, don’t worry I’ll be quick, I promise.

Definition of why

According to the Merriam-Webster English dictionary, the word why is defined as:

“for what cause, reason, or purpose - [e.g.] why did you do it?”

So basically the goal of asking why, at least according to its dictionary definition, is to know the cause, reason or purpose of something.

Great, that’s pretty clear and straightforward. What’s the problem with why then? The problem with why is how we use it.

In practice, we never really care about the actual cause, reason or purpose of something

Let me show you what I’m talking about.

Challenging someone

Remember when you were a kid? Remember sometimes doing something and having so much fun that you didn’t want to stop? Then all of a sudden, one of your parents would interrupt you...

“Ok, that’s enough for today, you have to go [do something you don't want to do]”

And then visibly upset, not wanting to stop even for a second, you would come back with:

“why?!”

Here you weren’t really trying to undestand the purpose of having to go to bed. You were just challenging the instruction.

This way of using why to oppose someone else’s statement might contradict the formal definition of why, but it’s still very useful!

We use it with our significant others when they say something we don’t like. We use it with our bosses when they tell us to do something that we don’t really want to do. And we even tell ourselves “Why?!” when we are doing something that we just don’t really care about.

You might even be asking yourself, “why am I reading this now?!”

Dealing with uncertainty

Ok, so let’s say we are actually asking why according to the definition of why, like when we ask “Why did this happen to me?”

Then you could say the goal of this question is to understand the cause of whatever happened to us. However, in most cases, if not all, what we are actually looking for is not the real answer to the question... what we are looking for, is relief.

Life is full of uncertainty. We never really know what is going to happen next. But it would be too hard to always be thinking something unexpected could happen any second. We just wouldn’t be able to deal with that. So we create coping mechanisms to feel like we are in control, to feel that we can determine what’s going to happen next. Uncertainty is stressful and we seek to either resolve it or avoid it.

Accepting an answer to a question that doesn’t really have an answer is just a way to deal with uncertainty. This gives us the illusion that we understand. This lets us feel we can do something about it. It reassures us that life is a bit more certain than just a bunch of random events.

Learning through why

Fine then, sometimes the why question might not be completely intentended according to how it is defined in the dictionary. But what about the times when the person asking the question actually wants to learn, when they want to know the reason behind something?

Let’s take an example and ask ourselves “Why is white paper white?”

We just want to know how it works, right? Well, think about why is white paper white for a few seconds, or a few minutes if you prefer. Here are a few possible answers:

• It’s because people that buy paper want it to be white
• Or, it’s because white provides the best contrast
• Perhaps it’s because the molecules that make up the paper material mostly reflect the color white
• Maybe it’s because paper is bleached in the manufacturing process, otherwise it would be brown

Those are just four alternative answers. You probably came up with a different one too. So how many answers are there? There are actually as many as you’d like there to be. Probably an infinite number of valid answers to the same question.

So, if there are any number of answers to that question, which one is the right one? Well, they are all correct, or put another way, there isn’t a single exclusive right answer. An answer to a why question doesn’t really answer the question. Rather it is the person asking the question that chooses whether they are satisfied with the answer or not, regardless of the truthness or correctness of the answer.

Kids know there is no why

Have you noticed what happens when kids discover they can ask why? They ask it endlessly, they can never be satisfied. There is never a final answer. Except when adults get tired of the questions.

And how do adults react? After about 2 or 3 consecutive whys we get frustrated or angry and try to end the conversation. This is exactly what we learned to do when we were kids asking questions to adults (Louis C.K. - Kid's Questions)

Kids intuitively know there is no why. Unfortunately, adults don’t know how to deal with this and we prevent kids from exploring this dilemma. It’s what we’ve been taught to do for generations!

What’s the point?

By now you are either annoyed and completely unconvinced of everything presented above, or you are thinking to yourself something along the lines of “Damn! there really is no why...”.

Either way, the real insight here is this: you can choose whatever you want to believe. There are no absolute truths. Everything is relative and you decide what works for you.

You own your own opinion. Share it, discuss it, cherish it, or change it. Just please, don’t impose it on others. There is no why

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Let's talk

If you want to further discuss any of the topics exposed on this website, email me at nbrenner at the big G

Nico Brenner